I put on my bikini last night, and practiced my posing with a great bunch of ladies. I wasn't comfortable in it, but the fact that I put it on and practiced in it is a HUGE step for me. There is so much support in this fitness world, you just need to surround yourself with the right people. Positive influences make for a positive attitude. I'm so glad I have met the people I have in my journey, and it will make this whole experience that much better!
I was never a confident person, and to put it quite frankly, I got my confidence from alcohol. When I'm drunk, I'm a rockstar... the real problem was that it was every social occasion. I never learned how to function in a sober state, so this REALLY threw me out of my comfort zone. I had nothing to turn to to hide or comfort me. No booze, no cigarettes and no food.
How can you be "one of the guys" if you're not drinking? How can you be the "life of the party" everyone likes you for, if you're not drinking. I had to learn really quick who I was as a sober person and how to interact with people without having that confidence that automatically came from being intoxicated.
I'm still learning and I'm getting there, I'm learning how to just take a compliment and not feel weird that someone is asking me about myself. I used to feel bad that someone would talk to me ABOUT ME and the things that I'm doing. WELL DUH, that's what people do...they talk about your/their lives to each other. Huh...well that is a new concept to me.
Why would someone want to know about me??? Why does anyone really care what I'm doing? Well, they do. The funnier thing is, no one expected me to be the shy and socially awkward person because I was the raging drunk who everyone loves at a party.
I hate to talk so much about the past, but at a week out I see how far I have come and I am so happy to be able to say that I am not the same person in any aspect of my life that I was 12 weeks ago.
I was a moody, depressed, negative and grumpy person...which you would never tell because I was so happy when people saw me...drinking. Now, I'm a happy and positive person and my goal is to inspire and motivate other people.
I'm still learning to just take the compliments, I'm still learning to meet people sober and be myself, and I'm definitely still learning how to be a confident person. I felt like if I was confident, I'd be that bitch who loves herself and no one wants to be around "that girl". However, I'm learning (learning is the key thing for me right now) that confidence and arrogance are WAY different.
The fact that I have made new friends during this process shows me I can be who I am without having to cover it up with being the drunk or the loud funny person who makes jokes about herself to break the ice.
I'm strong. I'm capable. I'm wrecking my goals. I'm NOT who I was when I started this journey but I AM the person who was inside of my mind and body screaming to get out!! It may have taken a few years and a very hard journey over the last few months, but I'm so emotional with happiness over where I am today.
I want to be this person, I want to be a better trainer, I want to live my life happy and healthy and positive, and I want to keep working my way into this world until it's a full-time thing for me. I took myself out of the tiny box I put myself in and am never going back into my comfort zone - there is nothing to be accomplished there.
I cannot wait to write my next blog the day after the competition.
If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you. I've been WAITING to be here for so long. It's 8 days until the competition and I'm going to bring it. Never quit, trust the process and believe in yourself.
Candice Godbout is competing in her first bikini competition in November 2013. She lives in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia with her husband Matt.
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