So, I was kind of expecting to have an epiphany last week. I expected everything to click and for me to feel great, start shedding inches quicker, and to have a much more positive mind set.
Fail.
Mentally, this has been the HARDEST week I’ve endured in a long time and I fell of the wagon a little because I just gave up. This is my halfway mark (I started this process at 16 weeks), and I just wanted to be done with it. I hated my meals and I hated early mornings. I was so moody and depressed.
My big problem was that I couldn't get my mind right. I have shed more tears in the last week than I have in a long time. I’m normally an emotionally detached person who feels nothing (really, it’s true…my husband will tell you I’m a monster with no feelings). So, why is it then that I’m not a tough girl ownin’ like a BOSS in the gym??? That’s who I am somewhere deep inside.
I think it was mainly because I work so much and I didn't know how I was going to do it all. My husband was also out of town and he is a HUGE help to me with everything. So, I made the decision to give up one of my part-time jobs (which I love but I really can't sustain this amount of work with my competition prep). I had to really sit down and prioritize my life and come to a realistic conclusion that I can't keep up this pace and be successful at everything.
The biggest blow, came the day that I went to the posing seminar. I was so nervous I could have thrown up. As soon as I walked into the room I felt like I didn’t belong there.
Once I got home, I started thinking back to all the already fit girls who are in my class that I have to compete with, and boy did I knock myself down a few pegs that night! I was ready to quit because I knew there was no way I could compare to those girls. Man, the mind does some crazy things!
I know it’s my first competition so I don’t know the process or the end result, I just really felt down and depressed this past week. My mind doesn’t stop, and it’s usually negative. I am my worst enemy and have been for my whole life, so that's not an easy pattern to break. And no, someone can't just tell me to stop being negative and poof I'm not.
I have to ready to put myself in that mind set...and today, I am finally there!
Today, I got my epiphany. This is the FIRST day I looked and myself and said "Wow, I have changed so much". I can do it and I will do it!
I'm not comparing myself to anyone else anymore, or looking at the end of the road and how far I have to go, I'm focusing on what I need to do in the moment to get to my goals. I know it is going to get harder, but it's going to be so worth it!
For the first time, I feel strong. I gave my workout everything I had today and then some and it felt GREAT! I have a feeling I am going to learn so much about myself and I am so excited to see my body change so much more.
These next 8 weeks are mine. Look out!
Candice Godbout is a personal training competing in her first bikini competition in November 2013. She is trained by master trainer Devin Sherrington of 360fit.
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